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12:08am 25/07/2005
  ooohhh shit, the update nobodys been wait for yyyeeaaahhhhhhhhh! lol. so its been fun, i got exactly 6 days left!! tuesday imma have a party lex, jess, and mike gon show up or else!! fri thru sun imma be with my family. then sunday evening, or monday morning im leaving!!!!!!!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaa iiiiiiiiiii cant wait!!

so the past week has been cool, just relaxing while i can. tonight i went to the club for the last time! its so weird.

ya, so myspace, when i first got it i thought it was gonna be lame cause it was just like lj but different, but it seems to take most of my time when im bored at home!!! ya, so imma keep while im away and when i get back, and get a labtop i can keep in touch with all the ppl in sarasota.

alright i think this also might be my last post till november. peace. comment back. come check out my myspace site at myspace.com/saraismytwin. add me to ur friends, make ur friends my friends, add comments. whatever.

well peace out my nikkas!!!
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oops i did it again.   
09:58am 18/07/2005
  sup g's, so the past 3 days has been mellow. went to myakka, the flea market, and some authentic mexican restraunt in hickville. last night i went to the club. oooo and had a really delicious cookie at panera bread. mmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

its a comin less then 2 weeks and im off. im sellin my weight set cause i need some cash for the next few days comin up. so, thats about all thats been happening.

ooo i though maybe one day...sat/sun around 12 we could all go down to the dog park on 17th street with my dog and hang out there for a bit. and then maybe rent bully or rivers edge cause i really want you guys to see it. lots of dogs, small and big go down there, so my dog can play and we can hang out together....just a suggestion for anyone reading..ooo and its free.
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11:27am 15/07/2005
  i love to look up dogs!!


my favs are the lahso apso, american bulldog, and rottweiler...in that order!
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relaxed and motivated!   
09:18pm 13/07/2005
  yesterday the excitment didnt come until late noon when i tryed to get to the mall, sell my ps2, get money and put gas in my car, and then go to marine phy. training. i almost made it to the mall then my car ran out of gas. so i had no money and was right down the road from the mall. so i called my dad and had him bring me some gas. then after that everything went pretty smoothly, except i was late/missed marine pt.

today i woke up and pumped out some wieghts/frustration. other then that it was a chill day. attempted to go to the ymca for some fitness fun. played cards/watched tv with my friends. went home early for a home made meal.the meal was surprisingly decent. all in all it was a good day. rainy and relaxed.
oooi was on the internet and i happened to come across these motivating stories.......i cant wait to become a marine!!!!!! read! http://www.grunt.com/scuttlebutt/corps-stories/bootcamp/recruit.asp

Boot Camp. . . through the eyes of a recruit
Submitted by: Don J. Flickinger Sgt. USMC

Recruit Training, United States Marine Corps, officially comprises three definitive phases. First Phase concentrates on orientation, study of military subjects and physical training. Second Phase includes marksmanship training, combat exercises and long hikes. Third Phase is service week, final polishing and, finally, graduation.
Three phases also exist in the mind of the recruit. These are not, however, the same three phases measured by exact dates in the drill instructor's schedule.
Phase one begins in the small, dark hours of the morning. The former happy civilian steps off the bus into a world of disorientation. His mind is snapped into abject shock. Cardiac arrest is a distinct possibility.
The drill instructor is absolutely the most sadistic, maniacal tyrant he has ever encountered. It is beyond comprehension that one human being could treat another in such fashion. In his daily struggle to survive, the recruit becomes psychoneurotic wondering if the psychopath in charge will allow him to live another day.
The days pass. The crying in the sack at night subsides as the mind becomes numb and the spent, weary body literally dies. Forgotten are the lofty principles and goals that fired enlistment. Graduation is not a word in the vocabulary. The recruit lives in limbo, a lethean existence.
One night after lights out, the recruit lies on his rack contemplating "the worst mistake I ever made in my life." The body and the mind have reached the limits of endurance. Slowly, he begins to make a decision.
Initially, his thoughts are that he cannot continue another day. If that is the end of the thinking process, he sinks into despair will soon be released to return home.
Continued thinking, however, brings the drill instructor into focus. Anger begins to rage within the recruit. Further thought heightens the wrath within to a frenzy. The irrevocable decision is made, "I will not let that son-of-a bitch defeat me."
Second phase begins the next morning at roll call. The recruit responds in a voice that is sharp and quick, loud and distinct, and permeated with a tone of defiance. On the parade deck his movements suddenly become snappy, displaying a newly found arrogance. Despite the aching body, his physical training scores shoot upwardly.
The recruit has engaged the drill instructor in a mental duel. He is determined that he will excel and that the drill instructor will never again single him out. Yet, as he struggles it seems that the drill instructor is answering the challenge and singles him out with continuously accelerating the demands ever increasing expectations. With grim determination, the recruit rises to the challenge.
One day the recruit is astonished with the sudden realization that he has executed a command, perfectly and with relative ease. His mind engages in further introspection. He notices the transformation of mind and body. Gone is the deep-seated defiance, replaced with absolute confidence. He has achieved the "can do!" attitude, which he will have for the rest of his life.
Third Phase has begun. The recruit now struts, proud and tall. Graduation, wearing the Eagle, Globe and Anchor, and being awarded the title "Marine" are realities.
He minimizes his own participation. All credit is given to the drill instructor. All earlier attitudes give way to one of genuine deep respect and hero worship. "If I ever go into combat, I want him as the leader."
The former civilian will be forever a Marine and the drill instructor will live within his mind.
On 16 April 1954, I proudly strutted across the Parade Deck, Marine Corps Recruit Depot, Parris Island, South Carolina, having earned the title, "United States Marine." Again, on 20 May 1994, I strutted, with even greater pride, across the Parade Deck, Marine Corps Recruit Depot, San Diego, California, coming from the reviewing stand, in uniform, after the ceremonies, to welcome my son to the "Band of Brothers."
The mental phases of training as perceived in the mind of the recruit are based upon my own impressions and reflections from the time. They were confirmed by my son's Senior Drill Instructor. He further indicated that the phases are imposed by design and that the drill instructor is acutely aware of the current mental phase of each recruit.
12:46am 11/07/2005
  tonight we hung out at jess's, and went to the club. my 1st time in like a month. saw a bunch a peeps, danced with some gurl. drove ppl home. it was a good night. im not even tired right now. i need to get laid.  
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01:07am 10/07/2005
mood: awake
waz up my niggas. just chillin killin slobks like a tru bk crib balla. lol.

today i ate an awsome steak for dinner. watched a phycotic movie, american phycho. saw a histroy special on the kkk, and went to the mall, and saw puppies. then got into a little drama but nothin i cant handle. see some ppl in my family have a problem with me advancing in life, the marines. but its all good. tommorow i want to raise my bench press weight up. see i take all the drama and just pump it out. it works. i also got the book war of the worlds this morning, i liked the movieso.....

when ever shit happens i always go back to the time when me and mike would hang out. mike lived over on tuttle by arrlington park. his mom would leave him alone at his home for litterally months at a time. he never went to school, did drugs, and had parties with the craziest ppl and i was always in the middle of it. one day mikes gurl friend...who was a runaway at the time was suspected by all of us that she was cheating on him with this other guy(25 yr old ex gang memebr) so mike was flaring! out in the road screamin, punchin walls, and me and him were 2 seconds away from going over there with 2 others and tap dance on this guys face. it wasnt untill a good friend of ours got there and gave both of us somthing to remeber. he caught mike in the street, grabed him, and told him to shut the fuck up and listen. when ever any drama comes up you cant go about it in an immature way yellin and punching. you got to sit down and calmy/maturely settle it or you will never get anything positive out of the experience, only negitivity. unfortuenetly, me and him didnt take the advice at the time and shit only got worse. mike and me always confroted problems with the same attitude, move or be moved. it got him arrested and me in a shit load of trouble and damn near not able to become a marine. so wjenever somthing "terrible" happens no matter how you feel, you need to be mature about it. cause the person causing the drama is not losing any sleep over it or you. cry if you have to or talk it out. but hurting others or yourself because your angery is not the way to go about it and i dont care who you are or what your situation is, cause ive seen it and much worse. just be responsible for your actions, and handle it like a mature person.
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12:32am 07/07/2005
  haha, tonight was kool, went to jess's house, hung out wit the usual suspects. got my chest/back/facial blackheads all anihialated! then we ate at the sugar and spice. i still feel bloated. went to lexs and went swimming, then the fun started. dropped jess off, and headed to the blockbuster to get a movie. its 11:30 p.m. and right at the corner of proctor and 41...right across from the blockbuster my car runs out of gas. so me and lex push it through a red light and into some parking lot after desperately trying to push it up a hill. lexs dad came and picked him up, gave me a bucket with a half gallon of gas and 10 bucks. im am so gratefull to have friends like this. so now im home.

dont really know how i "feel" right now. im excited that im leaving in like 3 weeks!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaa. i didnt think i would miss anyone in this town, but know i will miss my frineds. im going to get a portable labtop and keep in touch after bootcamp. it will be great.
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08:19am 05/07/2005
mood: awake
last night we spent hours lighting off fireworks, and i met scott, and evan. it started off as a sausage fest 4 guys one girl.....then it became a not so big sausage fest.lol. sam came over. we lit off so many fireworks that we could have evenly spread out all the ash/dirt/powder left from the fireworks across jess's driveway and it would have been like an inch or 2 thick. we swept it all up, then went swimming! then we all just hung out and at 12 am i walked home. it was barrels of fun. comment on ur exp. last night ppl!
08:53am 04/07/2005
  just got photobucket....this means pics!!! haha. 1st pic will be of my dog!

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11:53pm 03/07/2005
  tonght...there was a little bit of arguing but nothing big. went swiming twice, saw land of the dead. ate some good pasta. came home. tonght was entertaing to me at least. tommorow should be even better. fireworks, fireworks, and food!!!! thats what im talkin bout!  
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08:55pm 02/07/2005
  so, ya. went out to eat at steak an ale. celebrated my grandpas 90th bday. he is still walking straight and playing golf. saw war of the worlds. went paintballing. made plans for the 4th. other then that ive been working out everyday at home with my bench press, playing online poker, and taking care of my dog. im tryin to upload a pic of my dog but its not letting me because of my account status. o well.

its funny, ppl that dont know me find out through familily that im going to become a marine and the hold me in such high esteem. it makes me feel good and all but these ppl want to throw parties for me and this and that, but im not doing it for them. if they only new the half of what ive done i bet they would have a different tune to sing. i dont want to look perfect in these ppls eyes. im doing this for me, and my family. and pretty much keep a low profile about it, except amongst friends. then they all want to stop and talk to me about it everyday. the same q's from the same ppl. it makes me feel bad cause i feel like im lying to them and acting like somthing better then human. i hope i never make my kids feel like they have top be perfect, thats a hard thing to live up to.
07:44am 30/06/2005
mood: awake
ooo i had to post this weird dream i had last night before i forgot...i already forgot some of it, and more im just not remebering...like i forgot, but i dont know if i forgot anything else.lol.
anyways, it was based at riverview highschool in the begging, and i saw in the cafe this kid named steve who was a tall skinny goth who moved to arizona. so i walk in and say hi and he is acting all wierd and saying im the enemy. i guess other countries were recruiting ppl from our school and forcing them to fight american kids. so of course i was one of the american kids, and i had to fight like two jappeneese ppl. the japs were like obsessed with hitting you in the balls so i had to constantly protect them, and at the same time unleash a fist storm on there face. then there was this gurl and the scene changed from rhs to like a western setting. and the gurl looked western and there was a sheriff and everything. and i was in the room with her and she was an american fighting off supernatual beast and japs. one jap whooped her ass, and a supernatural beast tipped over her lantern and set the rom on fire. i told the sheriff and left. so i get outside and school is being let out and im telling everyone what just happened. i get to this one black kid, and some gurls who i recongnize and start telling them. the black kid ran off to see what i was talking about so i didnt get to finish what i was sayiong to him, but instead one of the gurls was really interested so i told her about it. and from what i can remeber i said somthing that had to do with 3 wild animal supernatural beast....like a tiger, panther, and cheeta. so we get to her house and she says thats just an old myth and finishes the story for me. i was like how did u know that???? i just saw it happen. so i go upstairs and she shows me like a 100 yr old newspaper clipping about the mysterious stuff. and then i asked her for her number but was denied, but i was told i could come to see her at her work...she worked at publix.

well, thats about all i can peice together. wierd. more on today later
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11:07pm 29/06/2005
mood: amused
so tonight was another one of those nights where its good and nothing can really make you upset. went doentown, ate at applebees, watched war of the worlds...which was freakin awsome!!! went to jess's house and hung out there. then i had to walk home. but in the 2 hours it took, not once did i think one negitive thought!!!!

tomrow im going paintballing

watching the war of the worlds made me think of somthing that i used to think about though about aliens. i always thought there were aliens and i still do, but i think that will never make contact with us because they know if they do, they will end up like the indians, blacks, japs, muslims, and even some of the white ppl. basically they know what we are capable of, and they know that we were born to expand and fuck up everything in the process. makes me proud to be a human! MMMUUUWWWWHAHAHAHAHAHA
11:41pm 26/06/2005
  ya, so today ive been in a bad mood since i woke up. i dont know why. i was bored most of the day and it gave me time to think. and everytime i start to think its always about memories. i love and hate these memories. all of them are good, thats what i like about them, but they always make me feel more lonely then i already feel. i would give almost anything to relive them once. all of them are good to me but most were things i probally should not have done. but these events shaped me for who i am today but i dont even know that so it confuses me. somtimes i wish i could change who i am, or at least how i feel, but keep the memories. all the close friends and all the neighborhoods i have lived in. my whole life ive only had 3 really close friends, and lived in soooo many nieghborhoods in sarasota.

so i hung out with my friends today also, that kind of distracted me from how i was feeling and i tried not to show it. i feel really happy for lex and jess. i hope they stay together. that would make me happy to hear. sadly, they kind of remind me of when i went out with emme (when she was slimmer and still a virgin). me and emma met 5 yrs ago in my old neighborhood. our 1st "date" was on new years eve at a party in myakka, me and my bro mike lied to our parents and told them we were at each others houses. we spent the night out there, and so did emma. that night i didnt sleep and got to spend the entire morning with her. after that she would come over to my house and we would just hang out and be nerds together. i still feel like i fucked that one up big time......even though she is dirty now.

i wouldnt trade these memories for the world. but how i feel now sucks cause out of all those friendships the same thing happens at the end. we all go our seperate ways or grow apart for some reason. and now when i meet ppl thats what i think about and its like its become sooo predictable and it ruins things for me. soo many thought are going through me now but i cant put them in order. whats even sadder is that the only way i can get them out is on this fuckin lj. i wish i could tell my mom or someone but its to weird. i have this feeling that i want everything to be perfect but nothings working out, but i still hold on to it. some ppl including me know the only way for ppl to be trusted is if they are vulnerable, and not perfect, but still my thoughts stick to the walls of my brain and never get heard.

in the future i hope the marines will help me focus my anger and make me do somthing productive with it instead of hang on to it.
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03:38pm 25/06/2005
  hey yo peeps. thursday was drama but nothin to swet. i fact it made my day a little more exciting. after that i went to marine pt. that was the 1st time i had ran in 2 months and i ran a whole mile and a half with out stopping! aftrwards a couple of us went to livingstons and just hung out/played pool. ran into bender and steve and this hot gurl named ashley. i should have gotten her number....she seemed to be with steve and bender. then i went home and slept. friday was cool. i talked to my friend kasey who i havent talked to in forever. she wants to hang out on monday. today i went to breakfast and mote marine with my grandma. shes still scared of me leaving for the marines so she wants to spend a lot of time with me. i dont know wats goin on tonuight. i was hopin to hang out with lex. we will see. more on tonight later.  
where do you stand?   
10:14pm 23/06/2005
mood: accomplished

Where do you stand?

Created by jessiebyummy and taken 4 times on bzoink!

Abortionagainst it, be responsible
The death penaltyfor it, cant do the time, dont do the crime
Gay marriageagainst it, weirrrddddd
Prostitutionall for it, got to make a living some how
Drinkingfor it, its a social thing
Marijuanaagainst it, makes you stupid/fake
Other drugsagainst it, same as above
Mixed race marriagefor it, ethnic chicks are hot
Illegal immigrantsfor it, someones got to mow my lawn
Smokingfor it...not pot.
Drunk drivingfor it, its to much fun
Cloningagainst it, more drama we dont need
Racismagainst it, i got a nigger in my family tree...hes still hanging there...hahaha j/k....black ppl are hard and sometimes loyal as hell
Premarital sexfor it, im a guy so...
Religionfor it, it does good for some ppl
The war in Iraqfor it, we need oil/world domination!!
War in generalfor it, same as above
Bushfor him, good views on stuff...in my opinion
The legal drinking age18, i can die for my country, i better be able to drink in it
The legal driving age16
Pornfor it, im a guy so....
Masturbationfor it,
Downloading musicfor it, if its free
Murderfor it, some ppl deserve it
Suicidefor it, its your life, not mine

Create a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

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12:08am 23/06/2005
mood: mischievous
ok, so tonight was another great night, great food, great fun, and most important great ppl. ate at jo-to....yyyyyyyuuuuuuuuuummmmmm. went to the beach, and were AALLL topless. then took everyone home. lol.

right as i was going to get gas, my car ran out COMPLETELY, but it didnt phase my mood...i pushed the car into the gas station and filled her up, cause im in such a good mood!

on the way home i was going through all the reasons why im joing the marines again and and it always gets me motivated!! this came up cause me and jess were discussing it on the way to her house.

i havent fully voiced all the reasons cause i cant put them all in order, but here it goes.
its been described to me by sooooo many current and ex marines as the best thing ANYone can do for there life! the amount of confidence, pride, courage, commitment, and all these other qualities...including job trades are installed in you. they do some of the craziest shit i.e. repeling, sky diving, shooting big guns, using tanks/other fast and big vehicles......somthing an avg. person will probally never do!!! college is free. retirment is garunteed after 20 yrs....somthing none of my familly can say...my grandmas still works in a doctors office. my mom and dad will never be finacially set. i will be, and ill help them along the way. all my life ive been so wooried about not making a difference or not setting enough goals for myself..or just failing in general and not accomplishing anything! marines dont have that problem. traveling is another big thing!

other general reasons are i will get to fight. i might die young, but ill be strong and happy. or i might die old, and retired on a cruise or somthin along those lines. its like doing the most reckless things in a semi controlled enviorment with the most elite ppl. some guys dont relize it but im going to do what they will only think of being able to do! also, so many ppl talk about being hardcore! bitch please. also, ppl talk about leaving sarasota, or how much it sucks...how many ppl are actually doing somthing productive about it? i used to be the same way and talk shit about ppl and complain about sarasota, and act all hard as does every teenage boy here. but theres soooo many opprotunities.

i guess thats all. im savoring all the time im spending with my friends now, cause come aug.1st i will be in hell! otherwise known as parris island, south carolina. im really lucky to have these friends.
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01:22am 21/06/2005
  tonight we saw batman begins. tommorow jess is coming back and we all might hang out somwehere.............new goals include, kareoke night(spelling???), get into shs football field at night and do somthing?, movie night..movies include: bully, rivers edge, cecil b. demented, and other indie flicks that i can think of that ive seen. club escapes is definetly another target of ours and bush gardens will hopefully happen again soon.
batman begins is the shit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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08:42am 19/06/2005
mood: amused
last night i did alot!! i went to the ringling museum and saw all the art and sculptures. the rose garden and inside the mansion of john ringling. then i went to lex's and we picked up jeanna and watched slc punk!! jeanna hadnt seen it so it was her 1st time. after that we went to the beach and walked around.............jeanna isss sssooo sexy. today i have to go to the olive garden for dinner for my dad, but afterwards i might go to the drum circl or club?? i dont know.
yesterday ruled!   
09:40am 16/06/2005
  heyy, yesterday was sweet. i wewnt to bush gardens and went on the new sheikra ride! its kind of short but the twist is u go straight up and STRAIGHT DOWN at no angle. we went on all the rides. we went on more water rides then nething. it was great...i didnt even have to pay for it. cant beat that! today im gonna get a haircut.  
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